Today was a sad day for me. My mom notified me via email that my Aunt JoAnn had passed away. She had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had been doing ok or so we thought. My parents had spoken to her at the end of April and she told them that she was in remission. She cried as the words came out. My mom, a two time cancer survivor herself, told her she understood. Those words are like gold to the patient and their families.
My mom spoke with her brother on May 5th and he told my mom that he thought my aunt was going downhill fast. Apparently she was as my cousin, their oldest daughter, flew out from Texas to be with her and help the family with hospice care. My cousin stayed for two weeks. The hospice nurse apparently told Christy that she believed my Aunt Jo was waiting for her to leave before passing. My cousin left for home on Monday evening and by Tuesday morning my Aunt Jo was gone.
The sad thing for me besides being on the opposite side of the country is I really hadn't seen my aunt in almost 14 years. We were really close as I was growing up. My aunt and uncle lived within 15 or so minutes from us and we did many things together. I have a ton of cousins - literally I don't know all of their names. My aunt and uncle were foster parents since I can remember. They had kids in and out of their house for years. They adopted a few of the kids, others they had guardianship over. Even though they weren't "officially" theirs, they called my aunt and uncle "Mom and Dad" and considered them family. They stopped being foster parents about 14 years ago when their last foster baby became officially theirs.
It was great hanging out at their house because we always had someone to play with. There were always older kids to look up to and babies to adore. I have some cousins who are fairly close in age that we did most of our hanging out with. Unfortunately, they moved away when my grandparents became sick and they wanted to help. It also was getting to cost to much to live in San Diego so they moved to my mom's old stomping grounds of Merced, CA. That is literally in the middle of CA between Fresno and Sacramento. My uncle had grown up there on a farm and I think deep down he really missed it.
We didn't get to visit very often...a couple times a year which didn't help us stay close. But the straw that broke the camels back was a huge family feud after my grandmother's death. A lot of things got said that were hurtful on all sides and people stopped talking to each other. Even when my mom got sick both times, it was hard communicate as old feelings were still there. My parents and my aunt and uncle were able to start moving forward in the last few years. Unfortunately for other family members some of the damage is still fresh even after 14 years.
Being as an outsider/child to a lot of this family feud part of me wants to say grow up! Unfortunately it is not that easy. People were hurt and it is hard to let go of that hurt and move on. I wish things were different but even in my aunt's death people are still not willing to put things aside. Life is too short! It is not worth all the bickering and anger festering in you to hold onto what was said in the past.
So, to my Aunt Jo...I am sorry I was not able to say I am sorry in person. I am sorry the extended "family" wasn't as willing to be there for you or Uncle Mel and the kids during this time in your lives. I am clinging to the memories that I do have...lots of laughter (my aunt had the best laugh!), a great smile, lots of "sugar" (love) and lots of family. Thank you for those things in my life. I wish you could have met my kids. I think they would have loved you!
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