I feel I am rather flexible when it comes to most things. I can go with the flow and even when I really don't care to. However recently God has been shaking things up in our lives and I have no idea what is going on. I feel like a piece of driftwood being tossed to and fro by the waves of the ocean. I have no idea where I am going and I am out in the middle of the ocean where land is not visible in any direction.
Most of you know that about a year ago, Mr. A & I left our church of 3 years to help a new church plant. The church we had previously been at was a good church, but it never felt like "home" or where we would be permanently. Both Mr. A & I were in different ministries that we both enjoyed doing, but we never felt like this is what we were called to do. Both of us have hearts for outreach, youth, doing things more outward focused and this new church plant was everything that we had prayed for. We finally felt like God was opening the door for what He called us out to NC to do. We were so excited!
1 year later, we are now just confused and bewildered. The "church" now has two families - the pastor's family and ours. We all sat around and scratched out heads - NOW WHAT? We came up with 4 different scenarios and are still praying on them. We all don't feel like we should completely turn our backs on this not out of pride, but God hasn't told us to stop. Some of you reading this might say well with two families the answer should be obvious - God has told you to stop. Honestly though we really haven't had God tell us to go anywhere else or abandon ship. So again - WHAT NOW!?!
We agreed to go to churches together in the meantime. Today we went to a church that wasn't bad, it just again wasn't
"home." Worship was good - very spirit filled and anointed. The pastor was good and his topic was relevant. They have a good children and youth program which fits our needs, but I don't know. I don't want to be a complainer. I don't want to be a church snob. I just felt like we were going through the motions.
I had prayed in the car the entire way down that God would show us something. God would guide us to what we were suppose to be doing. If it was just to sit and be feed that we would sit and be fed. If we were suppose to see something, that God would reveal it. I left more confused then when we started.
I don't want to do anything without God's stamp of approval on it. I don't want to try and take over from what God is trying to do but I have no idea what that is. Are we suppose to walk away and find somewhere else? Are we suppose to try and make this work? If we are suppose to make this work, how do you do that with two families? Do we become more of a ministry organization that helps other churches? Do we do something totally out of the box? God had given Mr. A & our pastor almost identical visions about something more community driven vs. a church as this whole thing was starting. Are we suppose to pursue that without being a church?
What about our house? While we love the size of our house, we are close to nothing. Every friend we have made, every thing that we do is no where close to our current home. We tried putting our house on the market and after a year of almost no bites we decided to take it off the market. We still would love to move. For one reason, the housing market is cheaper down there and you get more property for the money which is something that definitely interests us. Another reason is while we have a great home almost no one comes to visit us because we are so far away. Even at our last church, we lived the farthest away. It was so out of the way for people to come to. Are we suppose to put our house back on the market? Are we suppose to do something up here?
I don't feel like God has turned His back on us at all, but I do feel like we are out here alone at times. I know God has a purpose and a plan for our lives, I wish He would give a map with some clues on it if nothing else. I am trusting that God is going to show us what to do and where to go. I know God has called us out here but for what I am not sure.
All I can do right now is PUSH - PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS!
2 comments:
Keep PUSHing!
I can't say I've been in your shoes but I've gone through similar circumstances. Keep PUSHing like Sharon said. That keeps the line open with God and makes you available when the opportunity arises. You already followed God's calling. Somebody once told me "do the last thing God told you." Unless He changes that you ARE doing what His will is for your life.You may feel alone and like nothing is happening but I think most everybody has these times in their walk with the Lord. I.E. Joseph (both old and new testament), Abraham, David, etc. The list goes on and on. You can read David's battles in the Psalms. I get much encouragement from finding one that applies to my life and seeing his answer. Just don't do something because you what to change. Follow God. I hope this encouraged you at least a little:-)
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